I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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