Me too!
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
