Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
