i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
