maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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