i barfeds in our rink
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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