You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
