She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
