Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
