Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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