if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
