I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
