You just made me feel so damn special
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
