Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
