when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
