Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
