Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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