the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
This baby is an asshole
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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