12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
