how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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