the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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