No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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