physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
