this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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