oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
