You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
