It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
