there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
