Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
