do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
