A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
