The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
