the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
