just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We are all done wearing pants today
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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