dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
