Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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