i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
