Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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