Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
