I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
