so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
