No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
How's work?
Spinning.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
