Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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