i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
