Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
