I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
