you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
