yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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