Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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