what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My vagina just clenched in fear
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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