took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
